Full Term - 37 Weeks

Sometimes, intrusive thoughts creep in.

Sometimes, the fear overwhelms my entire body and I feel stuck, frozen, numb.

I know she has sleep cycles, I know her normal, yet, the thought comes up in mind and I start to panic.

Every minute that passes feels like an eternity.

Every moment she’s asleep, the fear inflates the thought of losing her, too.

It’s crippling.

It can happen at home, at work, driving, laying in bed.

How can this be my life?

How can this be my story?

I wish it were different.

It’s love. Love is what makes this mama’s heart fear for your life, my sweet little love.

I hope you come before your due date. That way I spend less time imagining you and more time holding you, watching you breathe, moving.

Waiting for you, my sweet babygirl 💜

✨ Originally written August 31, 2023 ✨

Comments

Uncharted Territory: Week 30 - PAL Journey

Week 30 - PAL (Pregnancy After Loss) Journey Fourth Pregnancy. Fourth Baby. Fourth Journey. This is the longest I've ever been pregnant and it petrifies me. Feeling the kicks, hiccups, rolls, punches is the best feeling in the world. Baby reminds me they're here and living their best life. But, trauma also reminds me that it can be taken at any moment in time. Just last year I felt bliss, peace and felt like I was there. Just a couple weeks til I met my first-born son. Then, in the blink of an eye, it was all ripped from my arms. How can I possibly hope again? Check out my older blog post Wavering Faith for deeper thoughts on finding my hope again. It was posted days before we found out we were expecting Baby E! 💛

About Me ✨

Born and raised in Los Angeles, California. Lived part of my life in Guanajuato, Mexico. Married to the love of my life, Hazael, since 2019. Mama to Luca, born still and died due to placental abruption on June 2022. Mama to my rainbow babygirl Evie, who was born September 2023. Grieving the loss of my son and trying to survive the pain by doing the things I love…being a mama, creating makeup and fashion content. I am an Office Assistant at a mental health agency, makeup consultant and wellness advocate. I’ve been on a journey, since 2020, to remove heavy toxins and chemicals from my every day products like food, makeup, skincare, body care, perfume, laundry, household items, etc. and finding clean swaps to share on my social media! Follow me on Instagram @flashywellness which is where I share my favorite swaps, ways to heal internally, naturally and toxin-free, DIY recipes and so much more! Lover of all things makeup, skincare and fashion, you can follow me on Instagram...

She's Here! - Evie's Birth Story ✨

Evie's Birth Story After everything we have been through, the greatest gift the Lord gave me was an "easy" pregnancy. Now, I put quotation marks around easy because, in theory, it was easy. I was considered high risk due to my son's stillbirth ( Luca's birth story ), so we received extra appointments, extra tests, extra ultrasounds, extra monitoring and all the extras we could receive to bring babygirl earthside. Starting at 32 weeks I began the consecutive appointments, starting with a growth scan that showed me my babygirl's sweet face! I did NSTs (non stress test), BPPs ( biophysical profile ultrasound) and growth scans twice a week and an additional appointment for gestational diabetes and growth conversation with my MFM (maternal fetal medicine - high risk) doctor. As you can imagine, it gave me a sense of control and peace that I was doing the absolute most I could possible do for my girl. My perfect babygirl at 32 weeks 💜 Evie had been measuring a...

It’s Anita’s Life

Search This Blog